How Grandparents Fit Into Good Parenting

When I first became a parent, I had no idea how much the presence — or absence — of grandparents would shape our day-to-day life. I was so focused on diapers, sleep schedules, and figuring out how to soothe a colicky baby that I didn’t stop to think about how this new generation of family — the grandparents — would fit into the picture.

But over the years, I’ve come to realize that when it comes to raising kids, grandparents are not just extras in the background. In many families, they’re an essential part of the story.

Now, to be clear: not everyone has a close or uncomplicated relationship with their parents or in-laws. Some grandparents live far away, or aren’t able to be involved in hands-on ways. Some bring tension or challenges that require firm boundaries. And that’s real, too.

But for those who are present, available, and safe to be around — even if imperfect — grandparents can offer something really special. Something we, as parents, sometimes can’t.

Here’s what I’ve learned about how grandparents fit into good parenting — and why their role is more powerful than I used to think.

1. They provide a sense of continuity

There’s something grounding about kids knowing where they come from. Even small traditions — the way Grandpa makes pancakes or the lullaby Grandma hums at bedtime — become threads that connect generations. It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.

I remember once watching my mom calmly braid my daughter’s hair during a week I felt completely maxed out. It wasn’t flashy. But in that moment, she was anchoring us both. And that matters.

2. They offer what we sometimes can’t — time, patience, perspective

Parenting in the thick of things often means rushing, multitasking, and juggling emotional energy that’s already spent. Grandparents, especially retired ones, often bring a slower pace — and that’s something my kids seem to crave.

They read every word of the book. They watch the full magic trick without checking the clock. They let the mess linger longer than I do.

Sometimes, I feel a little guilt about that. But I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m not doing enough — it means they’re offering something different. Something complementary. And that’s a gift.

3. They remind us we’re still someone’s child too

One of the more unexpected parts of parenting has been the way it re-tilts the relationship with my parents. In some ways, it’s humbling — seeing what they went through, or where they struggled. In others, it’s healing. I’ve found comfort in watching them show up for my kids in ways they didn’t or couldn’t show up for me at the time.

Not every grandparent relationship is redemptive. But sometimes, being a parent lets you see your own parents with new eyes — and find grace, or at least understanding, you didn’t have before.

4. They aren’t required — but they can be a powerful support

Let’s be honest: some grandparents aren’t healthy influences. Some require boundaries, distance, or tough conversations to protect your peace and your child’s well-being. And you don’t owe access to anyone who makes your home unsafe — emotionally or otherwise.

But when grandparents are safe, willing, and emotionally present, they can be one of the best tools in your parenting toolbox. They can give you a break. They can speak wisdom when your tank is low. And they can show your kids that love stretches wider than one generation.

I’ve come to see that good parenting isn’t just about what I do. It’s about the village I let in. And when grandparents are part of that village — when they’re invited in with boundaries and trust — they don’t just help raise children. They help raise the whole family.

Sometimes, just knowing someone else loves your child that deeply? That’s the support you didn’t know you needed.